Patches

Read a story book about a girl born with vitiligo patches that looked like the world map with 7 continents with JD so that he knows what it is and he won't ask or say something that will hurt anyone that was born with vitiligo in the future. So I asked :

Me: so... If next time you see a person with vitiligo, what are you gonna say?

JD: you have nice patches 

Me:  kor kor... No! You don't say things like that.

JD: err... Your patches looks like the 7 continents? 

Me: *tahan laugh* kor kor! No no! If you see anyone with vitiligo you don't say things like that. In fact you don't say anything cos you know why they got it right?

JD: cos they got it when they're a baby? 

Me: aiyoh.. No they are born with it. So next time if you see anyone with it, you just act normal okay?

JD: ok. 
Nice patches? *lol* oh my jayden!

Because Of The Red Slide

Jayden loves to climb on top of the tunnel slide.  I can see that he felt so confident climbing and he has total control of his body. But however, dangerous is dangerous.  No matter how I tell him that it's dangerous, he might break his arm/leg if he falls down bla bla bla, he doesn't wanna listen. The day before yesterday, again I advised him. Again, he did it.A group of grandmas and uncle were there and they said ..

Uncle: haiyer... Climb like that ah..

Grandma 1: ya lor. I see also scared

Grandma2: what to do? Own mother sit here also not scared

Uncle: who is the mother?

Grandmas: neh.... Next to us lor

Me: :D

I know they were trying to hint to me and talking (bad) about me right in front of me, But I just kept quiet cos I'm so used to this kinda sarcasm stuff, and there is no need to explain to them cos they DON'T want to understand what the heck is a special kid, and also its time to go home.

So at night I spoke to JD...

Me: b... You know right..... I always tell you not to climb on top of the brown slide?

JD: red slide. Not brown.

Me: okay... The red slide.

JD: yeah

Me: you know.. Today when you were climbing, the uncle and aunties all were saying how dangerous it was, and how HIS mother didn't care

JD: you mean... They were talking about me?

Me: yeah... and they trying to say  that I'm not a good mother cos I allowed you to climb so dangerously like that *sad voice*

JD: ...... 

He kept quiet and went to bed. Yesterday, while we're in the car heading towards the playground I reminded him, "remember what I told you about the red slide okay?"

And he didn't climb on top of the red slide at all.

With the constant reminder that he might hurt himself, he didn't care. But when I mentioned that ppl were saying those things to me, and it hurt my feeling, he immediately stopped it. I was surprised and glad at the same time, because finally he stopped it and also because he understood that his actions can actually hurt my feeling. :) Because of the Red Slide, I truly agree that:

People always say that Asperger kids are really selfish people and they don't really care about other people's feeling. But actually they do. It's just that sometimes they "don't get it" especially with hints and sarcasm and even if they know, they just don't know how to react.  You just got to be direct and tell it straight to them and teach them how to read the cues.

The lil gifts

He used to tell me that he doesn't have any friends when he was in kindy. After 3 years, finally he has ONE friend in kindy and then they moved on to std1 and he has NO friends again. *haha*

So this year he started to have friends to play with during recess and it was a big relief for me. And now he has his own set of friends at the playground. That's another big relief. And recently he told me ...

JD: C gave this to me.

Me: oh... She gave everyone or only you? 

JD: only people who sit same row as her

Me: ah nice..... :D

And then another day he came home and shows me this...

Me: oh ! paper airplane!

JD: L.A gave this to me

Me: nice! Why he suddenly gave you this?

JD:  ermm I don't know. He just gave it to me.

And the same boy offered him some food when I picked him up after school. My son was very happy taking the food and forgot to thank him. As usual I have to say "b... I think you forgot to say something" and he said "xie xie"

And then he came back and he told me
JD: today I took someone's things

Me: oh no... Why? 

JD: I don't know.

Me: how can you not know why you take ppl's things?

JD: cos.... She push it to me. So I take it. 

Me: *lol* you mean she push it to you, to give you, and you took it.

JD: ya. The cake. *showed me this*

Me: then what about this and that? 

JD: I also took that from her. I mean she GAVE me.

Me: oh so nice lah yr friend. But did you say thank you? 

JD: ermm I forgot... Again.

You know, it meant a lot to me and to him I receive small small gifts like these from his friends. I don't know if I'm being crazy or what, it's like finally they have accepted him and starting to like him. Otherwise why they give him things right? *syiok sendiri mode* 

Pencils

There was once when I found JD having a meltdown and crying in the canteen after school. I kept asking him what happened and he just said "pencil.... pencil........" and "keep breaking.......". Then I found out that all his pencils kept breaking and he couldn't catch up copying what teacher said. When he calmed down, then I found out there was another reason (as usual), it was related to the pencil, and it is also related to the pencil lead kept breaking but the real reason was because the bully in his class laughed at him and called him names when he couldn't copy in time. His teacher knew about him, and she told him do not worry. She helped him to write the words in his book to be done as homework. So that night, I taught him how to deal with pencils (bring more la, and also change the sharpener, and be careful not to drop the pencils and also when no choice, he can use his black colour pencil to write) and also how to deal with the bully ( just act like as if the bully is crazy laughing by himself and not care what he says, learn to say "So What????").

Few days ago, he told me that he needed help with his homework. When he opened up his book, I asked him which part he doesn't know how to do and he said :

JD: dunno? I never copy

Me: how do you expect me to help you, if you didn't copy the question??Where is the question from? Textbook?

JD: .... No. Blackboard..

Me: What!!!!!! How am I supposed to help you now? Why didn't you copy the question?!!!

JD: Because....... All my pencil broke. So I cannot copy. :(

Me: *blood boil* AGAIN????? My God! I gave you 5 pencils and all of it is broken? And you have your emergency pencil box with another 2 more pencils inside. This is not the first time that this happened. You know very well you can use your black colour pencil to write too right?!Tomorrow, you go to school and copy from C. Do you understand me? Or you tell yr teacher that you didn't copy on time because your pencil broke......(*mumble to myself* Kek sei ngo lor.... Really make me

High blood pressure. Wanna explode edi...)

And then he said "mami.........." and he gave me this. Then he told me that he was too worried and forgotten about the extra pencil and his black colour pencil.

*sigh* *breath in breath out*

And then I gave him 10 pencils to bring to school everyday. What to do? keep reminding him about it and probably a few more times, then maybe he will remember.

From "That Boy" To "Jayden"

I have not been actively bringing them to the playground cos I was either busy working or cooking before I pick him up from school and I'll usually just bring him home right after school. But since he stopped attending one-to-one therapy session, and Dr. advised to let him mix more or attend group social therapy (only once a month), I guess going to the playground is the best option besides another bigger social group therapy (which is his school. We figure that being in school for more than 5 hours each day is better training than attending once a month and expensive therapy :P )

So before I pick him up, I have to cook faster, work faster, clean the house faster so that everything will be done before that. And right after school it's playground time. At first, everyone ignored him and his brother. With a lil help from me to introduce him to the rest of the peeps and showing him how to ask if he can play along/join in, finally he blend in.

There were times when he had minor meltdowns in the playground when some kid scolded him for not knowing how to play certain games and also when he cannot kick the ball properly. Once, he was crying cos he hit some kids and they complaint about him hitting them. But when I asked him why he did so he said "we were playing bad guy and good guy. They asked me to be bad guy. I thought bad guys hit people? So I hit them. But they scold me when I hit them! Mami, how to play and be bad guy???" .  

All these scenario is sad, but it's okay cos it's part of the "real challenge". So we will go home, and I will talk to him before we sleep and teach him what to do next time. Like the bad guy scenario I have to acknowledge his feeling (I know you were upset about what happened in playground today. But can you tell me why did you hit them?) and then teach him to just "pretend to shoot them". And he said "oh... that's how you be bad guy?" I am glad he listened to me and  knows how to improve himself.

One thing that we need to do each time before we go to the playground is to remind him of the "rules". For example: no showing tongue, no pushing, no arguing, no crying, must play with other ppl and not ownself. However he got used to it after some time and he began to tell me the rules even before we step into the playground now.

It has been about near to 2 months since we go to the playground everyday after school and he really look forward to go and play with his FRIENDS. Finally, he can call them friends and not just "those people". Maybe he is happy that he finally got accepted and got invited to play along rather than just walking around nearby hoping to be invited and get real sad when we're on our way home.

Yesterday, he played so happily and when we were getting into our car, two of his friends said "BYE JAYDEN!!! BYE JAYDEN!" and he said "BYE SHAUN! BYE DAVID!" And they went "BYE JAYDEN! BYE JAYDEN!" and he said :"BYE SHAUN! BYE DAVID" and they went "BYE JAYDEN!" and he said "haiyer.. why they say so many times bye?" *lol* when nobody said bye he said he has no friends. But friends say bye for too many times, he said they say it too many times. But I know deep inside, he was very happy.

P/S: so am i. :D

Then and now

I used to give him alot of food to bring for recess. Cos he doesn't have friends, so for that 20 mins he would just sit alone and stuff himself with food. :(

Soon, he started to have leftover. Then I found out he ate less, cos he finally has friends to play with. :)
I was jumping in joy and throwing my hands up and say "YES! YES! YES! my son got friends to play with now! (only imagining hehe )

I asked him " aren't you hungry?" He replied "yes, but then if I eat, then I got no time to play catching anymore. Can you give me less food?". 

Slowly, I reduced his food. From food with packet drink, down to just one packet of snack (biscuit or bread). Sometimes he would also buy drink from the canteen. Another milestone for him, cos he just refused to buy anything from school when I'm not with him.

Top: Then

Bottom Left: Just a pack of biscuit and a packet drink

Bottom Right: Now.

Lost and relieved

Backdated post...

Jayden front teeth was shaky until one day he was trying to remove the string on the "packet bread from market" with his teeth and he accidentally yanked his teeth senget. Then onwards, his gums were swollen and his teeth was senget and shaky. And then onwards he had a hard time eating.

And then on Friday night, while I was folding clothes he asked me to help him remove his teeth for him. I said "ok, let me finish folding my laundry and I'll go get the thread and help him yank it out. Not even 5 minutes, he came running "mami mami... My tooth!" And his mouth were bleeding so I rushed him to the toilet and helped him clean up. And then he told me that he accidentally yanked it out when he was playing with his pillow. *lol* but he was extremely happy that its out. He quickly asked me to put into his tooth album, write the date and also take a pic of him and his tooth, and also the new baby tooth that pushed his old tooth out.

Ever since his tooth was off, he looks happier (don't forget much funnier with the missing tooth!!" And he can eat faster too. I asked him "are you glad that your tooth is out?" He said "yes!!" I said "b... You look so cute with a missing tooth. Finally u are cuter than Justin. Wanna loose another tooth and be much much cuter than justin?" And he replied "hehe yes!! "

Pajamas Pants for JD

My son loves red. But last night he just requested for a green pj pants. I have no idea why. But anyway he has grown so much, his pj pants are so short. So the other day I bought some stretchable fabric from Supplies Surprise Bazaar and so happen its green and black stripes. Last night I was itching to sew so i just began cutting my fabric.

Cutting the fabric according to his current pants, adding extra length.

After I took this pic, I asked myself "why am i making step by step when anyone can google step by step online? " haha So stopped taking pics and just continued to sew and sew while watching my AOD chinese movie. And I manage to let him wear it before he sleep.

Happy boy just woke up and went to my garden to weed.:)

I have added extra length and worried he might trip over so I have added a smaller leg opening so that it will hold it up and won't let him trip over.

Ahh.. it feels so good to finally sew something for my boy. I hope more to come :D

*tears*

JD: AIYOH!!! I forgot my wallet!

Me: don't worry. I can give you money. How much do you need?

JD: I only need 1 ringgit to buy Solivite.

Me: before or after school?

JD: before school.

Me: do you need more? If you spend your 1 ringgit then you won't have anymore money

JD: erm... you can give me one more dollar

Me: Sure? 

JD: one dollar and fifty cents la.

Me: *give him 1.50 and went down to help him with his bag. hugged and kissed him*

JD: *walked away..stop and U turn to come back and gave me a hug and kiss on lips and walked away*

Me: *tearing and quickly run into car and cried*

Which One Do You Love More?

People asked me "do you love your JD more or JT more?"

I said equally and no one believe me. So I did a test and I asked JD while JT was in sch 

Me: do you think I love you more or titi more? ( Risky question I know... )

JD: I think you love ME more

Me:  why?

JD: cos I always help you and titi is always tired.

^_^

And I did the same when JD was in sch

Me: titi do you think I love u more or kor kor more

JT: (He misunderstood and said ) I love you and kor kor same

Me: no, I mean, do you think I love you more than kor kor? Or love kor kor more than you?

JT : (And he replied very quickly) I think you love me more ^__________^

Happy that they both think I love them more than the other party. As long as they feel they are so loved, What other ppl think is not very important isn't it? ;)

Asperger: Dealing with bullies

Ah.... yes. One of the most common issue when you have an Aspie kid with you.  It's either they are the bully (cos many of them don't know what they are doing it wrong, and they don't know that the other party is pain or sad) or they are the victim and most of the time they will do whatever the bully asked them to do cos they want to be accepted as a friend.

So I went to JD's sch on Friday and found out that JD was upset the day before. His teacher told me that he got bullied by this boy and the classmate told her that it's not the first time he bullied JD. This time was because the bully tried to poke JD's face with pencil and when JD snatched away the pencil, he got angry and took JD's book and threw it to the floor. Surprisingly, JD didn't burst into meltdown. He went over to pick the book up but his face turned red after that. His class teacher who saw the whole commotion , who also knew about JD is an Aspie, quickly go over and told him to calm down and tell her what happened (although she saw she just wanted JD to learn how to express himself). JD manage to calm down and told her about it. So all of them went to the principal's office and the boy, got a good smack on his palm.

The teacher told me that she can see that JD has improved and he is able to control his emotions which is very good and it's another milestone for him and her cos she learnt how to help him. Probably that's also another reason why she refused to give him the "special card" ( for kids with special case) after his old one went missing.

But the bullying didn't start or stop from there. That friday night, as usual before sleep the kids will ask for bedtime story. That night, I made up a story about a bully in school and suddenly he said "You know.. he always bully me". I said "who?" and he said "nothing". So I continued the story and finally he told me everything. It's sad, to know that he has been going through that without me knowing, but I'm glad at last he told me (after much talking and making up stories :P )  and I told him "you need to tell me so that I can teach you how to handle bullies in school".

Initially I just told him to say "NO!" and then tell the teacher if he didn't stop. But when I went to take out books from his bag , I saw a piece of paper crumpled really badly in his bag and he told me "Oh... he did it!" That is after the boy got punished by the principal and he dare to do it again. So that's it. I asked him to write a letter of all the thing that kid did to him cos he has problem expressing himself (he can but he need a long time thinking) and pass it to the teacher.

I told him "JD, I know you want to have friends. But then good friends love us, not hurt us and likes to see us sad. What he did is wrong, did you know? So don't ever let him take advantage of you. If he does it again, tell him that you will tell teacher or you tell him My-Mother-Will-Come-And-Look-For-You-Later". I forgot to tell Jayden to tell him that "MY MOTHER IS A MONSTER!" *LOL* Joking!

This is one of the most important thing that we must teach our kid whether they are Aspie or not. This is one of the life skill that they must acquire, cos there are too many evil people out there who likes to take advantage and use other people to the max.

How come you know wan?

JD's sch had a mini celebration with lion dance right before cny. When he came back I asked him what happened in sch and he said "nothing...nothing" and then I said

"let me guess. got 2 lions..right? and they play the drum like this *lion dance drum humming-tak tong chiang, tong chiang tong chiang chiang chiang* and then the back guy will lift the front guy up, and then the front guy will open and close the lion mouth right? and then the lion ate some oranges and then he spit out the oranges , it was nicely opened up right???" 

He was shocked that I know and he went "how come you know wan?".  and I said "cos I'm your mother lor. I know everything you do wan...".

Chewah. like real.

The crappy stuff that I tell my kids, unbelievable.

Of crisis and weeds.

Always believe that guys should also be taught to do house and gardening chores from young so that they won't leave it all to the wife in the future. I don't Want my DIL to Curse me :p

Anyway, So yesterday I Asked JD to help me pull the weeds in my garden and he did..

JD: what am I doing?

Me: you're weeding.

JD: what happens if we never weed the weeds?

Me: then the garden will have alot of weeds growing and then they will multiply and fill this garden up with alot of weeds.

JD: *worried* then you will have a weed crisis!!!!

Me: exactly! So you must pull till the roots come out.

JD: ....... So how do you smoke this weed?

Me: huh? Smoke this weed?

JD: ya. You smoke the weeds. This is weeds right?

Me: *slap forehead- damn YouTube and smosh videos!!" no this is not the weed that ppl smoke AND... Any type of weeds are BAD! This one that grows in my garden and also the ones people smokes. Those are drugs. It's bad bad for you. Ok?

JD: oh.. Ok. Bad for brains ah?

Me: yes. For brains. For lungs. Everything. It will kill you.

Aiyoh the things they learn via YouTube! Why cant they teach more positive stuff?

Why they don't know me?

I was preparing something in the kitchen and suddenly JD ran down looking rather sad and said ..

JD: mami mami.. Come I show you something in the computer

Me: why? I'm busy right now.

JD: I went to google and type nciku like you.

Me: oh what did you type? You tell me here lah

JD: Then I wrote 曾健若 and they say no match found. Why they don't know me mami? Why?

Me: *lol* of course lah. You are not a thing ma. You are a person and there are so many people in this world. How to know everyone?

JD: then what can I find?

Me: find someother things lor. Like big dog? Small dog. Anything lah.

JD: okay!

Haha aiyoh this son.. *shake head*

Is she your step mother?

while on our way back from sch on friday...

Me: nah... tomorrow you're going to robotic class you know. You must listen to your teacher okay? Let her finish talking, then only you ask question. okay?
JD: mami, did you go to robotic class last time?
Me: nope.
JD: why?
Me: Cos pohpoh won't let me join anything. She said its expensive. Any classes also cannot join. Like i like to dance, she don't allow me to go ballet, I like art she don't allow me to go art class..what also cannot join..
JD: is......she.. your step mother?
Me: ah???? Nolah. She is my real mother.
JD: Then....why she don't let you do anything at all?
Me: hehe cos.. last time poh poh is busy working and she think there is no need to join any classes lor. But now, I have you and titi, I will see what class you all like to attend, then if its not too expensive, then I let you go lor. But then you cannot say go one day and then tomorrow don't wanna go cos then you will waste my money, you understand?
JD: yes.

And he happily went for his first robotic class last sat. I just hope that he will excel in this :)

Of fingernails and housework

While cutting Justin's toenails..

JD: mami.. *looking at my fingernails* why is teacher lee's fingernail so long?
Me: oh.. cos she wanna look pretty. And of course no need to do housework lor.
JT: hey.. that's no good you know?
Me: what is no good?
JT: long fingernails la.
Me: why?
JT: cos cannot do housework. You know mami. You are pretty....when you mop the floor.
Me: I.am.pretty.when.I'm.mopping.house?
JT: yeah, very pretty when you are mopping house.
Me: hahahhaha thank you ah.......(thinking wah pandai ah this fler angkat my feet so I need to do more housework)
JD: mami, I will help you to do housework wan.
JT: me too! Me too! but..................only when I'm NOT tired.
JD and Me: BUT YOU'RE ALWAYS TIRED!
JT: yeah :P

Asperger And Us

Backdated post from my FB. ( I malas wanna create another version for my blog)

Year 2012 was a dark year for us, because that's when we got to know that JD has Asperger. We're lost, sad, angry and depressed when we found out. JD had low self esteem, sad and confused when he found out, and I was very emotionally and physically drained from all the crying, reading and chauffeuring him to classes and therapies. 2013 marked our most saddening incident where JD was discriminated in sch by his teacher and friends. And this year would also be the year that I stand out and share and educate people who have no idea what disorder is about.

From my observation, many people (be it teacher, parents or non parents) also likes to judge ppl esp kids by saying that they are hyper and naughty. Many people including my own friends think that this disorder is just like flu, leave it or eat medicine-it will heal kind. My friend told me "its not their fault, they are not aware of this problem. No one to educate them". True and Fair enough. No one educate me about Autism even before my son was diagnosed, but I took time to read and learn. I can only say it depends on the person itself, whether they wanna learn more things or just simply know nothing and judge ppl as if they themselves are so damn perfect. I have seen how ppl like to judge and pass remarks about me and my son, but I don't blame them. Instead I pity them for their lack of knowledge and wish that Karma doesn't get them, THAT bad if you know what i mean.

Sadly but true, I know many people do not wanna know more because to them, they have "normal" kids, why bother about the things that WON'T HAPPEN to them? I can tell you, Asperger is the last and hardest disorder to be diagnosed and it CAN happen to any kids, because they have normal development and growth just like any other kids out there. Even if you have a perfect kid, someone else around you might have it and it will help you to understand them more. And if you deny or do not know it, it will only cause harm to them. Because if you do not help them when they are young, it will cause a lot of harm to them and to other people around them when they are older. That time, even if you have loads of money and time to spare, it is too late.

I didn't share this earlier NOT because I am afraid that people would look down on me or my son. It's because I was shunned by some friends when I told them and the remarks I received made me even more hurt. Also, I don't think its my duty to educate ppl and also I don't want ppl to misunderstand that I am using my son's problem to get "PITY LIKES" or "GET ATTENTION". But after some thoughts, I think things happen for a reason. Perhaps god wants me to use my network (be it in FB or blogging) to share this and educate ppl.

So I am warning you in advance that from today onwards, I will be flooding your wall with loads of information and happening. Please hide me from your wall if you do not want to know more, cos the last thing I wanna do is to offend anyone here.

When Mami is working at BYOB

A very common sight if I'm at BYOB with my kids.

But luckily I wasn't the victim when I took this pic. Victim, was my sister.

That's JD under her shirt while she was refilling detergent for the customer. *slap forehead*

And we can't scold him in front of the customers, so we just "tahan".

Another common sight if my kids are there;

Someone would be snoozing vertically or horizontally.

*lol*

Of Death, Egg and Spoon.

In the car last night...

JD: mami.. when you are old, where are you going to stay? Old town with poh poh and koong koong?

Me: No ah. I stay in my own house, with you all lor.

JD: then koong koong and poh poh will die soon?

Me: nolah. Not so fast la.

JD: when are they going to die?

Me: aiyoh when they are older la.

JD: when?

Me: after you get married and have kids la.

JD: oh....

JT: mami, if your dadi dead (dies) what are you going to do?

Me: i'll cry and I'll be sad.

JT: you don't be sad. I'll help you.

Me: huh? How?

JT: I'll lay a very big egg, *pooot* like this. It's big okay. But you cannot hatch it just like that. You need to use a big spoon and knock it so it will hatch. Then you will get a new dadi again. 

Me: *lol* sure or not?

JT: yeah. But then you gotto feed him alot of food so that he can grow big again.

Me: *lol* When I die, are you gonna be sad?

JT: yeah.....I'll be sad *think think*.....mami.. when I die.. what are you gonna do?

Me: I'll be very very very very sad and I'll cry for many many many days.

JT: don't worry la. Just lay another egg. But its a tiny one. And you no need to use spoon to hatch it. I'll hatch and come back again. Just feed me alot of food and I'll be Justin again.

JD: hoi.... Human don't come from egg la! *irritated* They come from....... mami where did human come from?

Me: neh..... *think think* from tummy lor.

JT: You mean, human not from egg ah? Then what comes from eggs?

Me: birds, chicken, duck, blablablabla but mammals like elephant, giraffe, dog, cat all come from tummy. They come out from the mummy tummy and they look like their mummy wan.

JD: *eyes wide* You mean even giraffe???????

Me: yeah! giraffe too!

JD: when giraffe come out, is the neck long or short?

Me: long la.

JD: HOW DID THEY HIDE IT INSIDE THE TUMMY? They curl or what?

Me: *lol yeah they curl and hide inside the tummy*

JD: *scratch head*

I don't wanna be a doctor

Me: jayden, seriously what do you wanna be when you grow up?
Jd: a policeman lah.....(tired of answering me cos I've been bugging him and asking him this question so many times edi!!)
Me: dowan lah.... Don't be a policeman lah. What about be doctor?? Then you can take care of me when I'm old and sick?
Jd: no. I don't wanna be a doctor.
Me: why? Doctor good ma. Not dangerous.
Jd: you think I no need to go home is it?
Me: who say doctors don't go home?
Jd: if I work as doctor in the hospital then I need to work 24 hours you know? Then I cannot go home!
Me: chey... Hospital is 24 hours but... Doctors work in shift wan mah. Take turns to go home wan. And you can work like Dr Yong at the clinic then you no need to work 24 hours ler...
Jd: *thinking mode* hmmmm

I have no idea what gave him the idea that policeman can go home and doctors cannot go home. Haha silly boy!