Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Mother Cries In Silence

The mom took care of her kids for 24 hours yesterday cos the husband went to Singapore for business. Day started as early as 7.15am. Got the kids ready and sent the older one to school. The day was lovely, the mom was happy. Well, at least for more than 5 days she didn't scream. She tried to change her style. She's loving it, her kids are loving it and the husband is loving it (maybe, he never say anything).

By 11pm, they are still jumping like duracell bunny. 11.30pm, the mom nearly drop dead. By nearly 12am the father came back. Maybe its 12, maybe its earlier. She doesn't know.

By morning 7.15am she is up again. Felt like shit. Felt like so sleepy. Wanted to go back to sleep but no. She gotto go and make milk for her kids and get the older one ready for school. She said to her husband who woke up for a while and got back to sleep that she is sooooo sleepy. The husband just replied "go back to sleep lor..." . As if she can, if she goes back to sleep the kid skip school is it? So she dragged herself up and put the clothes to washing machine and then wash the milk bottles and then made a cup of coffee. No more Nescafe 3in1 Regular Coffee. Her regular drug is not available. So settle for some shit crap coffee. She went up and asked the husband "you send him or I send him". He just replied " you send la.. can or not?"
Pity the husband gotto go and come back on the same day outstation, she said "okay" although she felt throwing herself on the bed and snore loudly.

The older kid gotto be repetedly asked "go take your socks.put on your socks. Put on your shoes. Hurry up. We're late. Hurry up. Where your socks? Why you wear it upside down? Put it on properly. Why you cry? Wear socks only also cry? Aiyah go into the car and wear la"

In the car the older kid kept saying "Mami i cannot. I cannot." He kept putting the socks upside down. The mom calmly said "you can.. u try one more time. You can do it like how you did it everyday.

The son replied "no i cannot. No i cannot. Uwaaaa UWAAAA UWAAA I CANNOT MAMI I CANNOT"
The mother said "Jayden, stop crying and focus on putting on your socks".
"Well, if you cannot put on your socks, then you can go to school without socks and shoes" the mother said.

And the journey is like 15 mins from home to school. And the son is still crying. At the school compound, the mom said to her son "I give you last chance to put on yr socks and shoes. If not I will send you to school like this".

Her son"refused to put on his socks and hid in the car. The mother went to the left door he go over to the right side of the car. The mom went to the right side he quickly run to the left side. Enough..the mom said. She jumped into the car and dragged her son out.

She looked up and saw the headmistress signaling asking if the mom needs her to come out and take the child. She waved back indicating no thanks.

Gave her son a smack and said LOOK. I had enough of this. You either put on yr socks or you go to school like this.

He continued to cry. So the mom did what she said. She carried him, took his bag and his shoes and walk straight to the headmistress room. The headmistress and asst Hm came to assist. The mom just walk out with the kid screaming in the office.

So drove home, felt ever more shittier. After all its just about putting on the socks. But she knows she is sticking to her principle, he gotto learn and she won't treat and spoil him like how his dad is doing. Everything also its okay, nevermind, he is a small boy, pity him, blablabla.

Came home, she hung the laundry, boiled water, and fold clothes while she watches her recorded Desperate housewives series. And suddenly she just started to cry silently... for what reason she just doesn't know. Tired? Sleepy? Unhappy? Stressed? Depressed?

The husband woke up and saw her unhappy face. He asked what happened?And she told him "I threw Jayden to school without socks and shoes. I sent him to the HM's office. And the husband first reaction was "why you HUMILIATE him like that?" The wife never answer. What for. No matter what she said, she is wrong. Always wrong.

Lagi make her even more shittier. Nevermind la. Not like she is not feeling tat way anyway right? Say also wrong. Don't say, they say you something wrong. Better not say anything and just cryla..cry in silence.


  1. hei ... nie tim ar ? i feel sad for u too when reading ur post .... :( Jeremy sometime also make alot of frus when wearing socks .... i also duno why, sikit sikit not right, he cried !! and i feel shit too ... especially early in the morning ...
    I think u r too tired la .. taking k 2 kids without a helping hand ....
    hope u feel better after a silents cry ... cry la... if make u feel better .... "hug"

  2. I think you're being too tough on yourself. Maybe it is ok to spoil the kids a bit, if it helps things move faster with less stress. It's not easy doing what you do, day-in and day-out. Don't expect a man to understand because THEY NEVER WILL EVER & EVER! What can you do? Try to "fong hei ti" and let things as they are. If you have to wear socks for Jayden, wear lor. What's the big deal, right? :)

  3. hug hug. I can understand. Those shedding silent tears, feeling shitty moments also I have gone through before and will still be going through.

    Hope you feel better after writing it down here. Hugs again

  4. wah.. the more i know u, the more u r like WMC *wink* hey, fong soong tit, sometimes ngang sometimes have to be yuen teh teh..
    anyway, cannot blame u, being a home mother to 2 small kids is not easy at all, serious! pooi fook, pooi fook..

  5. Chill,, chill,,chill.

    a day's life in mommy' life, keep blogging it and keep it in the archive, next time show the children what you went through,they will appreciate it,,,

    by the way, what is your Regualr Drug..... ?

    that's why i respect my lovely wif so much,and i make it a point that when she comes back from work, i will keep the house spotless clean, and children uniforms are washed, and the dried ones are collected and in the evening i wil iron them.....

    that's one thing that i promised her to do, off late i failed to do it, is to give her massage cos myself also tired after my daily run and house chores,,,,,

    Family First No Matter What,,,,

  6. I feel you, Sasha. You are not alone, I do feel frustrated sometimes when the kids misbehave and things don't work out as I want to. You are not alone....I cry too. *HUGS*

  7. *pat pat shoulder*

    It's ok. It's ok. I lend you my shoulder, ok?

    Go out, breath nice air, take long hot shower bath, eat something sweet, everything will be fine. Tomorrow is another day :)

  8. Cheer up! I know how shitty you feel. Josh also cry for no reason and refuse to take instructions sometimes. And my hubs keep on saying that I spoil him lar, blablabla; just because he is sticky to me. I can't help it right. He sees me day in day out, sure he will always want the mummy

  9. *pats shoulder*

    i understand you, cannot manja kids too much lor,also for their own good ma.Cry your lungs out,at least will make you feel better at the end of the day! Guys all the same one *pats pats*

  10. Happy Mother's Day!!

    =) ur kids love u

  11. I always salute SAHM and still don't know how you gals stay sane. But what the rest said is true also, you need to relax a bit and not demand too much from yourself. Eventually the kids will grow up and will know how to take care of themselves.

  12. Don't be too hard on yourself. My son still wants me to tie his shoes lace leh and he is 7!

    Just to share wif you on this. If my son is under intense pressure to complete certain tasks and knowing the mommy is going to explode anytime, everything he does will sure turn upside down wan. So, I always remind myself to take it easy..

  13. My little May also has a lot of tantrum, I have written about her tantrum 4 before my earlier entry. She also likes to whine without any good reason. I always used cane to make her quiet or cry even louder. I hate myself like what you said feel like shit, every time after spanking her. End up, i either hate the children or hate myself. sigh....... feeling sleepy and tired will contribute to bigger frus. You are not alone.

  14. this is motherhood lor :)

  15. This is sooooo familiar. Chloe is also like that... saying "I cannot, I cannot" every time her underwear is inside-out. I find that absolutely irritating cos actually she knows how to solve it! She'll whine and whine until I have no choice but to wear it for her cos takkan let her be half-naked, right? Kids are like that la... sometimes they just want to manja us a bit but when they do it at the wrong timing, it's just too bad lor...

  16. Sometimes I feel not fair hor. When man feel tired he can rest. When we feel tired we want to rest but we cannot rest. Anyway, hope you are feeling better now.

  17. hugs hugs down...
    I know it is not easy as you are soo tired and kid showing tantrums n screaming....

  18. one of the stressful moments.. disciplining our kids and not giving in but when we raise our voice, they panic, prob he was just stunned for a moment and couldn't get it right coz his mummy was angry.. take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself.

  19. It's hard to discipline a boy and whats more is that you have two to deal with.

    Glad you cry it all out. Don't put everything in your heart, or you'll go crazy.

  20. Come to Penang and send your boys to me, I take care of them for a day or 2 while you have your spa treatment. ;)

  21. Oh dear! U r tired and stressful.

    I seconds cheeyee's comment. That's just no fair but what to do. As a mother, that's our responsibilities. Hang on there.

  22. same here. i feel shitty most of the time. last week was worst. felt like drop everything im doin & cry, but i SABAR... "fong hei tit"...

  23. seriously, i had the same frustration most of the time. Xandria just did exactly what Jayden did. The answer given was no, cannot, don't want & blahblahbhal and with cried aloud.

    I hope u feel better by now. Cry it our if it can make you feel more release. Try talk to your husband afterward.

  24. I know & understand how u feel coz I hv gone thru tis b4. We as ur fellow bloggers juz can drop a few words 2 comment n 2 make u more relief n happy 4 a short while. What u nid is still ur DH support n a word fr his mouth is more than a thousands words fr us.

    B calm n sit down, hv a nice chat with him while 2 kiddos is sleeping or send them 2 ur parent hse for 2hrs. Try 2 work out something with ur DH, then u b better.

    What I suggest, is find a transporter for Jayden to n fro fr kindy. Or mayb u can ask the HM, any teachers willing 2 send him n u pay them back. I tried tis n is easy my work n time a lot where I can focus on 2nd kid n other hseholds too.

    Cheers! xoxo

  25. ohhh I so very do understand... got one here just like that too... hope things are better now... take good care ya... hugs

  26. BIG hugz for you Sasha! I keep repeating a mantra: "This is just temporary, they will not be like that forever ... just temporary ... just temporary..."


  27. hi, i'm choong, i've been following your blog for a while, ever since i became a mother... and i enjoy reading your blog... this is the first time, i'm leaving a comment.. (though we already met in fb)

    i definitely am not the best person to give any "advice" per say, and what more to say, i've no experience in taking care of boys at all, but then, i still feel like saying some words, if it helps...

    i guess, in a family, as parents, the most important thing is the support from your husband, especially if we're staying at home, like me... like many of the mama bloggers...
    as guys are not prone to be domestic, and guys are definitely not that subtle (細心)therefore, a lot of things they may just miss... sometimes, just like you, i see my husband being tired, i don't feel like bothering him, and therefore, occasionally i chose to "swallow" it myself... for eg. i'm also tired after doing housechores, and taking care of baby whole day, he's also tired, but then, i do (though by right, it's fair game) think that, i've sort of become the "last barrier", husband can say, "i'm tired", ie. i can't help you much tonight, i need to rest early, but then, when he says that, err.. i can't say a thing anymore...
    however, i do try to communicate with him as much as i can, tell him what i did, and what frust i've gone through...

    of course, most important thing is, if he listens...
    i hope, eventually your hubby will listen to you, or, at least, bother to listen..
    please work very hard to make him to...
    i guess, if his support is great, it's not so frustrating in disciplining kids, though, it still can be difficult, but at least, we know that, we're not alone, dear hubby's there... always there...

    does he read your blog??

  28. i know i know, sometimes it's over tiny issues like that we explode, you're not a lousy or bad mom, just having one of those moments!
    I tell you, when I explode on Shern, want to bring the cane and wallop him, screaming on top of my lungs, he get scared until can shiver.

  29. i hope u feel better after "blurting" it out here... hugz for you!!!!!!!!

  30. Just burst it out...truly being through the same thing like u too..

    Dun cry silently...cry like Jayden...wuahhahahhaha!!! U feel better...

  31. i really admire u for sharing your most intimate feelings and ure so honest about it. u know, i seriously think we all go through this and not many of us can say it out and admit we feel shitty or we might be wrong abt being so angry over such small things. but u said it, and u're not alone. this happens to me a lot too, but i cant say it out, i can tell it to ppl, i cant admit it to anyone because i feel like noone can understand. and everyone will judge, and i hate it. so.. again i want to say, i truly admire u for writing abt this. some moms are supermoms and make me feel even shittier abt the times that i feel like i'm a shitty mum, but simply knowing there's someone out there who also cries alone makes me feel like i'm not going mad. so... thanks for your honest post.

    i hope u're feeling tons better now. u're just a mom who's trying to do her best and in my opinion, that makes u a great mom. hugs..

  32. **Hugss**
    I hope you are feeling better. I haven't been reading or blogging for awhile as my day sound a lil' more or less like yours. Now even more so with the new BB. I feel so sorry for you, in a way I know how you feel. I too have wept in silence so many times.. and I understand why there is no point in 'explaining it' to other pple be it your husband, they'll never understand.
    Just hang in there ok. Remember we are all doing it in the name love for them..
    BIG Hugs!!