This Year..

my only wish is for my boys to get well soon.

If I Have another wish, i wish I can rest and have a good sleep. Just one will make me very happy cos Jayden's been up since 2am.He just slept. Imagine, I only got 2 hours to close my eyes and that's it. When he's about to sleep, Justin woke up. The entire family cried and screamed in the middle of the night. Ppl must b thinking we're having an early celebration or its time to be nuts again.

Everyday I'm asking myself what else can i do?
Speak softly, cannot.
Scream cannot.
Whack cannot.
I'm like at the dead end.

Jayden is Forever puling my hand.
Must sit next to him when he watch tv. The hand must be around him.
Sekejap want thomas.
sekejap want word world.
Then ask for apple. When you peel the skin of the apple, he purpose stand ontop of your feet. Step Step Step on my feet.
I hate it.
I really hate it.
I FXXKING HATE IT!!!!! ARGHH!!!
And he refused to listen when I ask him not to do it.
Just by saying No, he's already screaming like I'm about to slaughter him.
He lost so much weight.
When he cries I only see one Big mouth.
I pity him.
I don't know what else I can do.
I shouted at him every single day. I even shouted those things which I'm not supposed to say. But I cannot help it.
When I'm nursing Justin, he wants a piggy back ride. My right shoulder hurts so much. Justin also refused to be carried other way except when I use my right hand. So basically my right hand is cacated now. So sore. So damn sore.
Justin is coughing very badly and there's nuthing I can do except to pat his back. He refused to lie down and let me pat his back when he's up.

Anyway, save my rant for another day. I sibeh tired. My eyes very the tired cos I have been crying since 2 am until now. My throat hurts. My shoulder is sore. My right hand cacated. I just hope that today will pass by very peacefully for me.At least just let me enjoy a little bit.

Dear god, if you are listening, please let me rest abit. Afterall...It's my birthday ma...ok? Thank you very much.