Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Asperger: Scared of changes

Today, instead of me sending him to sch, hub came along cos he wanted to go see dr after sending JD to school. And because the traffic was bad, I decided to send him in via another gate. He became very unhappy and asked me to follow him into school. The guard and teacher on duty said "no more parents allowed from today onwards". Although I have a special pass to go in with him, I want him to go in himself and get used to the changes. He ran out and requested for me to go back to the usual gate and send him off there. So we walked to the usual gate and sent him off. I also explained that dadi was around not because he is not working but it's because he was sick and needed to go see dr. He began to settle down and slowly walked in. (although he did try and peek a few times :) )

Anyway, One thing that Aspies fear the most is change. Aspie are usually confortable with routine and same things. For example they are the happiest when things stay the same for the longest time. Some ppl call it loyal, and some ppl call it over compulsive disorder. For aspie, he (i use the term he because out of 10 aspies, 9 are usually guys) he just like it that way. Take for example my son. He used to order "Ice Cream Soda, with blue cup and blue straw". And when ppl do not have blue straw, oh no. Meltdown and refused to drink it. Some ppl who doesnt know about his problem will say that he is just a spoilt brat. Some wear the same pattern of shirt, some wear the same colour of shirt, some likes to eat certain food and they can eat it everyday and not feel bored with the food. As long as there is no changes, it is good.The true challenge comes when they are older. For example Aspies are very good with repetitive task. You can ask them to sit in front of the computer and do the same thing for hours and hours. Because of their social impairment, they usually do not go around and gossip or spend alot of time in the pantry. They, just sit at thier desk and work. That is why big corporations love them. Cos they are paid the same but work more than any other people and not forgetting the fact that they are usually very clever (most of them). But what happens when they are transferred to another department or they get fired for some reasons. They usually will be lost, and depressed. Because they cannot do what they do everyday anymore.Going for interviews might be a challenge. I know many ppl said that"Don't worry! Aspies are geniuses! Look at Albert Einstein! Look At who who and who!" yes, I agree. Those were the "told" stories. But I have read also real life Aspies telling us the experience of getting a job. How they get too nervous during interview and they screw the interview up. Some work in McD altho they have papers in thier hands. Why? Because they are too nervous to look at people in the eyes and answer correctly to the question ( aspie usually tell only the things they are interested with and not what you ask). And usually when they faced with changes, they break down and shuts down and cant function at all. 

Although I just found out about JD's case about 9 months ago, I have always known that he is scared of changes. I didn't know there was a term for it. So I have been trying to break the routine :
  1. Asking for certain colour (eg blue cup, blue straw). Now he is okay with any colour of cups and plates.
  2. Asking for certain flavour (eg ONLY strawberry and nothing else although he is alright with other flavours) and he is okay with any flavour now but still prefer strawberry but I tell him "i know you like strawberry. So you can have ONE scoop of strawberry and then choose other flavours okay? Other people might wanna try strawberry too )
  3. wearing only Blue shirt (last time) and red shirt now. I introduced other colours and he is okay with it now.
  4. break his obsession with thomas, Finn mcmissle, Mario and now lego. Let him know that he have so many other to choose from
  5. flexible with class changes ( he is very particular about his tuition time and days and even therapies. So what I can do is, when the teachers sms me about the changes, i let him read and answer them in my iphone. let him decide what time is suitable)
  6. Eating lunch and dinner- rice with soup. Must have soup otherwise cannot eat rice. So now he can have rice meal without soup.7. Cannot eat fried rice, because he will choke. So I did the nasi pattaya and drew a smiley face on it. and he can accept fried rice now.
7. being in new places. we travel alot, so that he accept new places. But we have a problem leaving the place each time cos he will say " But I LOVE KRABI! I want to stay in KRABI forever!" And he will nag and nag till we reach home and will continue to nag for few days. So before we take off, we must first tell him that we will only go for a number of days and we must come home so that we can earn more money and go to another nicer place next time. Still some issues with this, but he is getting better.

8. not giving him the same food everyday so that he is flexible with any food, anytime. I rotate his food daily so that he knows food can change and its good to try new food everyday instead of hotdog bread with soya bean everyday.Like today I gave him a simple bento with sausages, cherry tomatoes (his fav) and also a persimmon.

All these took me a long, long time. And its not easy. Always never been easy especially when there are other people around who doesnt understand why I am doing certain things. Well, what I can is, FOCUS and IGNORE. As for now, what I am hoping is for him to accept is the new schooling culture, his teachers and also the time of school. *fingers crossed*


  1. I have read before that probiotics or good bacteria can also help to improve autistic tendencies... it's probably something worth trying. Google for it!

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