Words

I've been reading this parenting book called "How to talk to your kids so they can learn". I'm just half way through and I kept telling myself "ah.. that's what I did/say all the time.  Why didn't I read this book earlier?" and some  "Yeah, I do that. So it is the right way, alright! " So yeah, I could have been better and I guess I'm not too late to start now. But it takes alot of patience (and alot of hair dyes and facials too)  and I hope I can change my parenting style.

So one of the advise was using jokes or funny terms/words to make them learn. And this is one thing that I have been doing. I use my kids terms or funny terms to make them try new food. For example this:

I just bought this bun for JD last night. I said "have a custard bun" and he said "what bun? Bleargh" without even looking at it.

And then I tried again "Wow! A Hypno Bun!" And he went "where where? Wowwwwwwwwwwwww"  and he brought it to school today.

So yeah, the word that you choose to use will determine the outcome/reaction. So being a lil creative will make your life as a parent easier. Try it :)

Bullied

Okay. I admit, I am a "helicopter mum". I hover around in my son's school. Observe him from outside his class, talk to his friends, talk to the teachers, ask him questions, talk to his friend's mum. Ok, I know you are shaking your head by now. haha

Anyway...... So today I sent JD to sch and teacher gave them a picture to colour. Then I overheard someone saying "Jayden Chan, take out your colour pencil!" And my son took out his colour pencil and ZUUUUP, 3 other kids started using his colour pencil. "I need Black!". And he pass black to his friend. "I Need this.. I need that". And he quietly take his yellow colour pencil which is as short as his pinky finger and went to sharpen it. I went and squat next to him and asked him "Is this why your colour pencil is always missing and always so short?" He kept quiet and just sharpen his colour pencil. I said " They always use your colour pencil? I thought JD Lee has a big box of colour pencil?". He quickly sharpen the colour pencil and hand over to the other kid. OMG, my son is doing things to please his friends cos he wanna be accepted by them?


Why am I so sensitive about this? Cos I was once like that. I do things for people, do artwork, projects, anything and everything just to please my friends in secondary school. And guess what? They never liked me. They just used me. Once they wanted to skip class and decided to hand in the counseling room to avoid BM class. And I didn't wanna join them. Suddenly half way through the class, one of my friend came and asked the teacher's permission to allow me to follow them to the counseling room. And guess what ? When I got to the counseling room, the counseling teacher was waiting for me and started asking question like "your friends said that they have problem with you. It seems like you are making them very upset. They said that you don't wanna join them for parties and shopping sessions with them?". I replied "my parents don't allow me to go shopping and parties". That is the truth. Then after some Q&A session , we were asked to go back to the class room. And Guess what again? The bunch of "friends" acted like as if nothing happened. Then I found out that they were chilling at the counseling room and suddenly counseling teacher caught them. So they "had no choice" and to "create" a problem. And who was the scape goat? Me! Ever since then, it actually make my secondary life abit of a sad case. And when the year ended I was so glad that they went to different classes. Hallelujah for me! I had a great year in form 3 until I was placed back in the same class as one of the girl that bullied me. How? Avoid ler ..


So back to JD's case. So I went and asked one of the boy about his own colour pencil. Cos I have seen him using  his own colour pencil out. 36 pcs, mind you. Damn big box and nicely arrange, with all pencils sharpened nicely. He replied to me "Cos I don't want to take out". And continued to use JD's. He  even said "I NEED BLACK" and my son just passed to him. Helo? My son is your what ? PA ah? No way, man. So I went and told teacher about it and Jeng Jeng Jeng, she went and told them off. And they quietly take out their own colour pencil. Wah seh... this is no good man. I don't mind my kid being generous and sharing his stuff but then that is so obvious that he is being bullied. No wonder, his colour pencil always go missing and the colour pencil seems to be short in a very short period of time.

Ai.. this JD. Really headache. He is the "tidak apa" kind of attitide and gets bullied so easily. Used to get whacked by a girl in school also diam diam and let her twist his ears. I have also seen the same boy that used his colour pencil, smacking him and asking friends not to "friend" him.  But after some "counseling" session with him, now he knows how to protect himself. He can protect himself like shouting for help when someone snatch his toys in McD (actually Justin shouted and scold the guy first and he followed :S ) and also fight back when his cousin smacked him. But now, I need to tell him that sometimes we need to be selfish and need to becareful of certain ppl that have bad intentions. *scratch head*

If You don't stand up for your son, who else is going to do it?

Last year around this time, hub and I both got into a heated argument. I remember very well that it was after Justin's birthday party. Someone made a remark about Jayden. He asked "why Jayden likes to play train only? Why he doesn't play with other people? Why he likes to spin like that ? Why Why Why" So hub told me that night that maybe we should get Jayden checked and something is wrong with him. I cried, of course. I cried more cos "someone" said that my house is messy and made the kids brain is messy too. So I cleaned the house at 12.30am until 3 am. I cleaned the damn house until it's speck clean and I fell asleep on the sofa cos I took sleeping medicine, knowing that I will be extremely active after cleaning the house.

The next day, I thought if he has something wrong I will get help for him. So I went and observe other kids in his class. I noticed that not only him has that characteristics. Some kids only talk to certain people. Some kids talk to every tom, dick, and harry.Then onwards I became an observer until today I am still doing it. The way he hold pencil , used to be wrong. But so many is wrong. So everyone is not right is it? Then onwards, I told myself if someone gotto stand up for him before he can stand up for his own, then it's gotto be ME.

This year, the same boy made the same remark. He asked me "Why Jayden doesn't like to play with other people wan?" I asked him back "do you play with everyone?" He said "No. Only some people that I like". "Then why Jayden cannot play with whoever he likes?" He said "but he only play with his brother". I said "But Justin is his best friend. Why he cannot play with his best friend?" He then ask "why he only like trains?" I asked him back "What do you like?" He said "PSP and PS3 games lor" "Then why not you like other things?". I asked him back "why don't you like other things besides PSP and PS3?" He replied "cos its boring". "So maybe Jayden also think that other things besides trains are boring too?". He said "yeah hor...then why he likes to spin". I said "when I was small I used to spin like that. And I think its nice , and after you stop you will see the world is spinning . Its funny la. Why cannot is it?" He said "No.. No..".

Then onwards, he never ask anything and he began to play with Jayden.

Then his dad said that the way he writes his name is weird. I went and check out others, few kids writes the same way.

When he gets excited he will start to jump and then hold his birdie. Of course I went and observe, guess how many of his classmates are doing that?

About spinning, I noticed that a few of his friends are doing it too. I used to do it, why can't he do it? What spin also against the law ah now?

So you see, people likes to talk, judge and simply say things. But it is my duty to stand up for him when someone tried to kill him with words.If not me, then who else, right?

Try Luck

Continued from here. The next day, I asked the kids to clean the play room before going to bed. Again, of course he dili-dalied, walked here and there while Jayden was cleaning the room like speedy gonzales. He is like the sweetest brother, kept cleaning and saying..

Jayden: Justin ah.. this one is your toy. This one also (while picking up the toys)

Me: Whatever Justin play with just now. You leave it. Let him do it himself.

Jayden: Okay mami.

Me: whoever never clean up room, no need to drink "celebration time" (milk for justin and milo for jayden)

Jayden: I'm done!

Me: Okay. *head down to make Milo for jayden*

Justin: please mami. I also want celebration time.

Me: Can. After you clean up the room

Justin: No. I don't want to clean up. I want celebration time now! uwaaa

Me: Nope. I told you. If you never clean up, then no nen nen for you. If you want, then you go and clean yr room first.

Justin: No. I don't want. I ask dadi to make celebration time for me. *runs upstairs*

Me: *pass Milo to jayden* *whisper* go drink in front of Justin..

Justin: dadi.....please make nen nen for me. uwaaa uwaaa

Dadi: Stop it.

Justin: UWaaaaa Uwaaa

Dadi: cry louder la.

Justin: Pleasee mami.

Me: I told you. If you never clean the toys. Then NO NEN NEN for you.

Justin: uwaaaa uwaaaa uwaaaaa *start kicking and throwing tantrum*

Me: *off light* everyone go to sleep now.

Justin: * toss and turn then walked out of the room and head over to play room and keep toys came back* mami.. i clean my toys ohdi.

Me: Good. Now ask dadi to go make celebration time for you.

Like i said it.. he was trying his luck. He knows whenever I said no, he can go and ask his dad to help him. His dad used to help him until I warned him and told him in order to discipline the kids, we need to speak the same language. If I were to say No, then he should also say No. If he disagree, then do not say it in front of the kid but to discuss with me later otherwise the kid will have mixed-up signals on the rules of the house. But it ain't easy and it will take some time..trust me. I have been doing this for a long time with Jayden. But Jayden is "easier" compared to Justin, for now. *fingers crossed*

Battle of the Monster Mum: Game On

It's not easy.
Especially if you have a kid like Justin Chan.
Let me tell you why....

Flashback to the time when I was reorganizing the kids play room. Jayden was very helpful cleaning the playroom. The small one however was not so cooperative. When I asked him to help, he'd walk away.. pretending to hold something to clean up. But instead he'll walk out of the room and then never come back until I called him back into the room.

Me: Boys, if you don't clean this room, then No lunch ah..

Jayden: if clean then lunch eat what?

Me: Mcdonalds. But then if you never help then no food at all.

Jayden: no food ah? Justin faster help to clean the room

Justin: I want to eat Mcdonald.

Jayden: Then you faster help and clean room la.

Justin: *clean clean and then slowly walk out of the room*

Jayden: mami! You see Justin! He is not helping!

Me: JUSTIN!

Justin: *walk back into the room and pretend to hold something.. and walk out of the room again*

So I thought, okay fine. Maybe he is too young to help out. Probably got "attention" problem. So Jayden and I cleaned the room and then we went to Ikano for Mcd lunch and also to Ikea to buy some racks for the playroom. At night before we sleep

Justin: mami.. you say clean the room then only can eat Mcdonald.

Me: yeah..why?

Justin: but i never help you to clean.

Me: yeah..

Justin: But you bring me go eat mcdonald. I win.

Me: O.o You win?

Justin: yes. I win. You say clean room then eat mcdonald. I never clean room. I also eat mcdonald. I win ohdi.

Me: O.O

So yeah. I felt like a big sucker cos I have been fooled by a 2.5yr old boy and like he said, HE WON. Although I know all the while that he doesn't think like his age, I never expected him to know how to think this way. So that night, I thought really hard and decided- game on buddy. I cannot let him win and stand on my head.

to be continued...